Day 517 - Brutal Honesty and Overwhelmed

I am writing this post today mostly for myself.  I have had a rough 2 days since I have been home from vacation.  I really don't know why.  I really feel like I am being pulled in a 1000 different directions, yet I am still lost. It is not that I am unhappy, I just feel lost.  I feel like my purpose is unknown to me.  I feel like I don't have a direction and I just grasp at whatever looks good for the moment.  There is so much information and advice on EVERYTHING and I feel overwhelmed on who to listen to and what "method" or "plan" to choose.  I really feel like I need a clean slate.  I really need to step back and look at what my goals are and the best way to achieve them.  I sometimes forget that I am not in control, but God is.  I try to steer the direction and forget to look to His word for my guidance.  I don't have to live up to what anybody else says, but Him.  He is my compass for life.  I don't know why I am feeling this way, but I am.  I think part of my problem is that since I gave up my teaching career due to my visual impairment, I just never regained a purpose.  I don't have a schedule or a routine.  I feel like I am just floating along life.  I guess it is good that I realize this and now I have to take steps to correct my path.

I don't know quite where to start, but I am going to start where I feel like it may help.  So for today my goal is to set myself a routine, a schedule to follow.  I am NOT a huge planner, but I really feel like I need some guidelines.  I am tired of feeling like life is passing me by and I am merely existing in the midst.  SO, time to make a schedule!

• 6:47- Wake-up (I have gotten VERY bad about sleeping in, I know waking up at a regular time will be good for me and I am weird and have OCD because I cannot wake up on an even number or a 5)
• 7:00-Breakfast with my boys
• 7:30 - See the boys off to school
• 7:50 - Coffee and devotion time
• 8:30 - Shower and get ready for the day
• 9:00 - Walk, bike, drive to work (weather dependent)
• 9:00-11:30 - Work at the office
• 11:30-12:00 - Walk. bike, drive home
• 12:00-12:30 - Lunch
• 12:30-1:00 - Blog
• 1:00-2:00 - Quiet Time (this may be a nap or just reading)
• 2:00-3:00 - Intentional Activity
• 3:00-3:30 - Afternoon tea and snack (sounds so fancy)
• 3:30-4:00 - Kids get home from school
• 4:00-5:00 - Free time
• 5:00-5:30 - prepare dinner
• 5:30 - dinner (really going to focus on meal planning and cooking more at home and making the family sit and eat together)
• 6:00-7:00 - Kitchen Clean-up and chore time
• 7:00-8:00 - Activity with the kids
• 8:00-10:00 - TV time
• 10:00-10:30 - prepare for bed
• 10:30 - LIGHTS OUT

I know this may sound RIGID to some of you, but I think I will benefit from the structure and so will my kids.  So for today, this was my goal.  I am going to write this out and STICK to it.  I am going to make Thursday my day off of work because that is when I have Weight Watchers, grocery shop, and I will try to schedule all my appointments on that day of the week.

Step 1 - Complete

Step 2 - NO CLUE, but I will let you know when I do.

I know this may not mean a thing to you, but it was so helpful for me to write. Sending you all love and healthy wishes!

Keep Losing,

Kari