Thursday Weigh-In and One Year Anniversary

Happy Halloween!!! 

Today is an exciting day for me.  Today marks 52 weeks, 1 year, since I started Weight Watchers.  It is hard to believe I have been on this journey for an entire year.

Weigh-in was good today.  I was down another 2 pounds to make a total of 92 pounds lost in a year! That is the equivalent of 368 remote controls!!!  I love the website I Lost What!  Check it out sometime and see how much you have lost.

I also took my measurements today.  I usually wait until the first Thursday of the month, but decided to go ahead and do it today since it has been 52 weeks.  And here they are:

Waist: -19 inches total

Hips: -13 inches total

Arms: -7.5 inches total

Bust: -11 inches total

Thighs: -8 inches total

That is a total of 58.5 inches lost.  I have also gone from a size 34 to a size 26. 

Besides the pounds and inches lost, I feel like a completely different person.  My habits have changed and I physically and emotionally feel so much better.  I had got to a point where I was completely miserable with everything and just put on a happy face to everyone.  I am learning how to love myself through this journey.  I still have 155 pounds that I would like to lose and I know that even when I get there my journey will not be over.  I am excited at where I will be in a year from now and years down the road.

 

I cannot thank all of you enough for supporting me throughout this past year.  My family, friends, and Facebook community have been amazing!  I love you all!!

For now, I leave you with a challenge not to consume too much candy!!!!  Have a treat and keep it in your plan!

Keep Losing,

Kari

Windy Wednesday - On A Soap Box

So I really did not have an idea about what to blog about today until I saw this letter being posted all over Facebook.  The letter is supposedly what a lady in North Dakota is handing out to the children who come to her door trick-or-treating that are heavy (I guess if you are skinny you get candy, cause you know all skinny people have a healthy relationship with food (WHATEVER)). This really got me to thinking about several different things.  I follow probably over 100 different fitness, health related, weight loss sites. 

Every single person is fighting their own battle.  Some have lost 300 pounds and some are just beginning.  Some are running full marathons and some are just lucky they don’t need the electric cart at the grocery store anymore.  I would like to think that I am innocent in this.  However as I was walking yesterday a bicyclist passed me on the way my destination and on the way home.  The bicyclist was all dressed up in that “professional” biking clothes.  My first thought was that they probably wondered what a “fat” woman was doing out walking since they were so fit and fancy.  I got to thinking more about my first reaction.  I am judging that bicyclist too.  I don’t know where he started his journey or how far he has come.  We have to learn to stop judging people based on outward appearances.  We have no idea what that person has or is going through.

This lady in North Dakota doesn't know the story of each of those children who will walk up to her door.  Who is she to judge which ones are healthy or not based on their outward appearance?  There are people who weigh 125 pounds that have a food addiction just like me at 312 pounds.  We are all unique individuals and cannot be compared to a set stereotype.

That is all I am going to say about this topic.  I don’t want to get too much on a soap box, but PLEASE BE KIND TO EVERYONE.  I love this song and I think it really relates to what I am talking about today.

In brighter news, tomorrow is my 1 year weigh-in at Weight Watchers, so stay tuned for results!!!

Keep Losing,

Kari

Transformation Tuesday!!!

Happy Transformation Tuesday!!  I hope you all have had a great start to your week.  I had a bit of a rough mental day yesterday.  I just wasn’t feeling it at all.  My eating was great, but I didn't want to do anything.  By dinner, I was only at 50% of my activity for the day.  So after I ate, I went for a walk and walked 3.8 miles!!!!  I barely beat the darkness coming home. I am not looking forward to the time change and the dark coming at 4:30-5:00, but I will deal with it.  After my walk, I was at 129% of my activity and I felt so proud of myself.

So for Transformation Tuesday, I thought I would share a few segments from the “Made to Crave” book I talk about a lot.  In chapter 3, she talks about finally realizing that something had to give.  Her words mirror my experience almost exactly.

I can now look back and see how food was my drug.  It still is, and probably always will be.  It is an addiction that I will live with my entire life.  I just have to learn how to live with it and make the best choices possible.

I definitely felt trapped.  It was a vicious cycle= feel bad about myself ®eat crap® feel bad about myself®eat crap®try to lose weight®fail®feel bad about myself®eat crap.  You get the point.  I was trapped and thought the food would make me feel better.  Now I am not cured of this addiction, I still have moments that I struggle with this.  I really struggle with low self-esteem and don’t feel worthy of good things happening to me.  I don’t feel like I have the confidence to do the things I want to do.  For example, at church on Sunday Pastor asked a couple of ladies to go up front and pray with some other ladies.  I didn't want to do it because I didn't feel like I was good enough or that someone would be judging me.  I did it anyway and I was glad, but I still struggle with these emotions.  I found this quote the other day and I keep playing it in my head when I feel down about myself:

Lysa goes on to say:

So very true.  This is a journey.  It will last for as long as my time on earth lasts.  I am changing not only physically, but mentally and spiritually too.  I don’t think it will end when I have lost 247 pounds.  I am starting to learn that a goal weight is not what will make me love myself.

If you struggle with food addiction, PLEASE know there is hope.  It is not easy, and it will not end.  But with God you can learn to deal with it and find yourself worthy of making a change.

Keep Losing,

Kari

The excerpts were from this book:

Weigh-In Results, pics, and needles!!

So this is a blog post that I don't want to write for many reasons, but when I started this I said I would share the good and the bad parts of my journey.

Today has been a rough day for me. We had to leave super early this morning for the 2 hour drive to see my headache specialist. I am a chronic migraine sufferer. For probably about 10 years, I struggled with a migraine (with vomiting) almost every single day. I was frustrated with my neurologist locally and felt like there had to be something more. About a year ago I started seeing a new specialist and he has been treating me with Botox. I get 31 injections every 12 weeks in my head, neck, and shoulders. It has made a HUGE difference. I now get on average 3-4 migraines per month. So anyway, I had to get those shots this morning. They are not too painful, but uncomfortable and makes you achy for a few hours afterwards between your shoulders.

Luckily, we had enough time to drive about another hour, where my eye specialist is, and I got to weigh-in. I was VERY disappointed. I lost 0.4 pounds. I know it is a loss, but that was over 2 weeks. I have stayed on plan, even through vacation. I don't know how to convince myself that I am being successful when my numbers are small. I did earn a 5 pound sticker today for losing 90 pounds. 90 POUNDS GONE FOREVER!!!! I should be happy, and I am, but I want more. I will not get discouraged and I will keep on keeping on.

After I weighed in, we went to Christmas Tree Shop and then to lunch at Cheesecake Factory. Only ate half of my yummy lunch (it is amazing how much less I eat now). We did order a piece of pecan pumpkin cheesecake to share later tonight as our snack (DON'T worry, I'll count the points, all 1,500 of them, LOL). I took a picture of me with a huge wine glass last year, and hubby said I should take another one today to compare. So I am sharing that with you today. Even though you don't see a huge difference (for one my shirt is WAY too big), I cannot tell you how different I feel.

The at noon it was time for another post-op visit at my eye specialist. I had to have an IV test done and it took 3 sticks to get it. UGH, more needles. The results were not what I was hoping for. My right eye, the one I just had surgery on, is healing well. I have not had an improvement in vision yet and he thinks it could take up to 2 years for complete healing. He gave me a shot in that eye just as a preventative measure. YES ANOTHER NEEDLE. However, the left eye showed some problems now with an increase of fluid. For now, he is just keeping an eye on it and I go back for all the tests again in 4 weeks. I am a little bummed, but I know it will all work out according to HIS purpose for my life. I want everything I do and go through to bring my weaknesses out and God's strength evident.

Sorry, I rambled on today. Just a lot going on in my life. My plan is to curl up on my couch with a blanket (since it is snowing in OCTOBER) and relax the rest of the evening. I had a total of 35 needles poked into me today! I think I deserve a night off.

Lastly, thank you thank you thank you to all of you who are supporting me. I love you all and want you to know you are a huge part to my success. Your comments and likes make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside!!

Keep Losing,

Kari

Sunday Ramblings!!!

Happy Sunday!! We made it home from our mountain vacation in North Carolina yesterday! We had such a wonderful week with my family. I feel like I did a pretty good job staying on plan the entire week!!! Had a few treats, but worked them in to my plan! I made 100% or more on my ActiveLink each day (except my rest day). Here is a picture of my family:

Aren't we cute????

We slept in a bit this morning and missed church. I was a little disappointed, but apparently we were all exhausted. Managed to go to Wal-Mart and buy groceries (after I had a little fit about not having a banana for breakfast). We all kinda layed around today and relaxed. I did manage to fit in a bike ride (you know in between all the laying around). It was my first ride since my eye surgery on September 9. I rode 5.6 miles. It was a BEAUTIFUL day here in Indiana. The sky was so blue, not a cloud in sight, leaves are turning, and a crisp bite to the air. What more could a girl want??????

I am getting quite excited about tonight's football game. I am a Colts fan and tonight we play the Denver Broncos. People are calling this game the war of 1812!!! (Get it: Manning 18, Luck 12). :)

I am ready to get back into a routine this week. I did cook dinner tonight and it was nice to eat a home cooked meal around my table. Tomorrow starts a new week!!! What changes will you make to make it a GREAT, HEALTHY, and HAPPY one?

Keep Losing,

Kari

Last day of Vacay and an Intro

Today is the last full day of our vacation here in the mountains of North Carolina! We have had an amazing time!  Ready to go home, and not ready to go home!  Next week, I will get back on routine and back to my regular blogging.  For now, I am going to enjoy my last day with my family.  Hope you all have a great weekend!!!!!!  Don't let the weekend sabotage your journey!

Lots of new faces here in the last few days thanks to people sharing my story with others! I thought I would take a minute to catch up with all my new friends!  My name is Kari.  I am 36 years old and I live in Mitchell, Indiana. I am married and have two boys, ages 11 and 13.  I started this blog to help document my journey from being an overweight, out-of-shape loser to becoming a winning loser.  I joined Weight Watchers on November 1, 2012.  I weighed in at a whopping 402.2 pounds.  I was so embarrassed! I knew I was obese, but to be over 400 pounds was another thing.  Since then I have lost 89.6 pounds. I would like to lose 247 pounds total and get to 155!I LOVE this program.  It has become a regular part of my everyday life.  I want to use this blog as a public accountability tool for myself, as well as a hope to inspire others who are struggling with their weight.  Being fat is not easy.  There are embarrassing moments every day.  I want to become healthier for my husband and my children.  They deserve a healthier, happier mother and wife.  On this blog, I will write about every part of my journey (even the negative parts).  I am tired of feeling embarrassed about who I am.  I hope you will join me on this journey so we can become an encouragement to each other.  Feel free to read some of my older posts to see the things that have already occurred on my journey!!

Keep Losing,

Kari

Transformation Tuesday and Trip Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. My family is on vacation in North Carolina this week for fall break and I have been enjoying my time with my hubby, parents, sisters, brother-in-law and nephews. We have had a great trip so far. I can definitely feel the changes in my body on this trip. We have done quite a bit of walking and it has not wore me out like it would have a year ago. Here is a progress pic to share for Transformation Tuesday:

Starting weight was 402.2 and I am down 89.6 in this pic. For those of you who are new readers, I have been following the Weight Watchers program since November 1, 2012.

My family had been planning some big (hard) hikes on this trip. I was so excited to push my body and see if I could make it to the top of the Chimney Tops. However, the Great Smoky Mountain National Park has closed all of the trails due to the government shutdown :(. 

 This made me sad, but it won't ruin our trip. We went to an overlook that was open yesterday and it had a part of the Appalachian Trail. It was closed off but we walked a few hundred feet just so we could say we walked on it!

Yesterday, we spent the day in Gatlinburg and if the smell of foods had calories, I would be in trouble and gained 100 pounds. Fudge, candy, ice cream, nuts, and on and on and on. I was a good girl and had NONE of it. We ate out both meals and I was able to stay on plan!!!

We are planning a 3 mile hike this afternoon. I am ready to go!!! This has been a great trip. My family is awesome. They are so supportive of my journey and have encouraged and praised me all week! I love them all so much!!!

Well, I'm gonna go for now and spend time with my family!! Hope you are all having a great week!!!!

Keep Losing,

Kari

Stop Being a Baby-Weigh-In Results

So I was really excited about today's weigh-in. I ate right (even got my healthy oils in everyday), I got activity in everyday, and I was feeling FINE! So I step on the scale and I only lost 0.6 pounds. UGH!!! I keep losing and gaining the same 0.6 pounds. I am so frustrated, but I am even more frustrated that I am frustrated. I am trying to make this journey so much more than a number on the scale, but I am being a baby about it today. I had made a goal to lose 100 pounds before our fall vacation, which starts Saturday. I have lost 89.6 pounds. I know that is amazing, but I wanted 100. I need to put my big girl panties on and get over it. I am losing, I can see a difference in how I look and feel and someone at church even told me I keep getting thinner and thinner. NO ONE has ever used the word thin when describing me.

AND, because I am frustrated I just want to eat, eat, eat. I really want peanut butter and chocolate. I know it won't make me feel better, BUT I WANT IT!!! I know better at this point than to give in to those food addiction urges. How much sense does it make to eat junk because I didn't lose more than what I wanted? Seriously Kari, STOP BEING A BABY!!!!

Okay, I have vented now and yelled with all caps. I am going to find something to do to take my mind off of everything. Hope you are all having a good week!'

Keep Losing,
Kari

Peace that Passes Understanding-7 years

So what I am going to share with all of you today is not really related with my weight loss, but it has shaped who I am as a person.

7 years ago today, my life changed forever. I sat in a hospital room as my husband took his last breaths here on earth. He was 29 years old. I cannot describe to you the emotions that happened that day. I was angry, sad, happy, and yes even a little relieved. He had been in the hospital for almost two months and the last few days were really rough. At 1:00 in the afternoon I signed all the papers for hospice care and by 10:00 that night he was gone.

Jesse had been diagnosed with end stage renal failure in 2000. I was pregnant with our son at the time. It was a complete shock to our family as we had no warning. He struggled with dialysis and all the medications, but slowly the disease took over. His liver started to fail and he was miserable. He fought for 6 years.

Why did this happen to us? I will never know the answer to that question. I have assurance that Jesse was a born again believer and that I will see him again someday. Losing a spouse is hard, telling your six year old son that his daddy is dead is hard. Losing your best friend that you had known since high school and had been married to for 9 years is hard.

I sometimes get asked if I would change things if I could. Part of me thinks is would, but most of me says no. Now I know that may sound awful to say or think, but all of my experiences have made me into the person I am today. Would I be this strong if I didn't go through this? Would I have my second baby boy? For those of you who don't know my story, I met a wonderful man about a year after my husband's death and we got married. He had a 6 year old son who lives with us full time and he has become such a huge part of my family. I love him as much as if I had given birth to him myself. I have been married almost 6 years now.

I am telling you that God has a plan for our lives. He allows things to happen to us to shape us and the people around us. We may not understand or agree, we may be angry, sad, or hurt. But all will be reveled one day of the bigger plan for our lives. We learn from our hard times and our good times. I still miss Jesse and I always will, but I rest assured that he is celebrating with Jesus today and he is much happier than if he were still battling this disease here on earth.

Life can be hard and unfair at times, but God created us to withstand it. He will never give us more than we can handle. Even when it feels like it is too much, He is there to help carry the load.

Hard to believe 7 years has passed since that night. I hope Jesse is proud of the life I am living today and is thrilled to see his son growing into an awesome young man.

I hope you all have a great day. Remember how much God loves you and He is always there for you.

Keep Losing,
Kari

Fearful Friday

It is finally Friday!!! I was even able to get my first work-out in since my surgery almost a month ago. I cannot even begin to tell you how much better I feel when I work out!! It was not as hard as I thought it would be.

So today I have two fears to share with you. One thing that is hard about this blog and my Facebook page is being so open and honest in front of everyone. I even told my weight out loud!!! So sharing fears should be easy for me.

#1 - I have a fear of eating. Now I know that sounds CRAZY because I have told you previously how I am a food addict. I find that I hoard my Weight Watcher points and I am so afraid that if I use them all that I won't lose weight. I know it is silly, but it is something I am battling with. This has just started the last few weeks. I think back to November when I first started and I got 61 points a day and I lost weight. Now I get 48 and I am nervous about everything I eat. My goal is to USE my points everyday! Today has been a good start for this. I have had breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner and I only have 8 points left. I have got in all my oils and dairies already. I am really going to be working on eating more throughout the day so I don't have 20 points left at night.

#2 - This fear is much harder to write about in public, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest and out into the open. Let me start off by telling you that I LOVE my husband and this is not a complaint against him at all and he has been super supportive of me on this journey. I am worried that the changes I am making in my life are going to affect our relationship. I have SO MUCH more energy and I want to do more things. Our lifestyle has always been pretty sedentary, but now I want to do more because I actually can. What if this affects my marriage? I don't want my husband to resent me because I want to do things and I want so much for us to be able to do those things together. Please just pray for me in this area! I think hubby and I are going to go through a lot of growth over the next few years. Any advice from couples you have gone through this is most welcome! And honey, if you read this please know that I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!! You are awesome and I want us to have the best life together that we can.

Well, I am gonna go for now. Getting ready to go to a Mary Kay Spa party!! Out of my comfort zone, but that is good for me! Have a GREAT weekend!

Keep Losing,
Kari

Thursday Weigh-In and a Reality Check

Today was weigh-in day and it started off kinda rough. I woke up with a terrible migraine and felt awful. Still hurting, but managed to go to my meeting today. I was up 0.8 pounds. In the past, this would have destroyed me! I would have left and not stayed for the meeting and cried for an hour. Today I am actually not that upset. I am learning that this is a journey, it will take time to lose 247 pounds. The scale is not the only definition of success. In my progress pic I posted Tuesday, I was wearing a shirt that was a size 18/20. 11 months ago I was wearing a 32/34. I had to buy new jammy pants today because mine kept falling down. And the best ever is all the kind comments and messages I am getting through this page. People have been inspired by what I am doing and I am inspired by them. I started this blog and my Facebook page for my friends and family and it has grown so beyond what I could ever imagine. More than 600 people follow me on Facebook, that is 600 people I can impact simply be being open and honest about my journey!!!

So this morning I was watching Extreme Weight Loss and I was just overcome with emotions with this episode. There was a set of twins, a brother and a sister. I felt so connected to them. I think I cried the entire episode. The reality of being morbidly obese is just overwhelming. All the things you are not able to do because of your weight and just not feeling like doing anything. I was good at hiding my misery. I put on a happy face, but I was far from happy. It is not necessarily about my outward appearance, but the emotional restrictions I placed on myself. Things are hard when you are overweight. People are not nice! I was (and still am ) so self conscious. I am always worried people are talking about how "fat" I am. I am slowly learning to love myself where I am right now. If I don't love myself, I will fail at this journey. I am worth it, I am something. Example, I was invited to a Mary Kay spa party tomorrow evening. I don't want to go and be the "fat" one there. I am so nervous that I won't fit in, or that I am not good enough for a "spa" party, all the other girls are younger, skinnier, prettier. I AM going and I will have fun. I have to battle these negative emotions everyday. It is hard to admit this and write these words, but my hope is to help other people who deal with the same things.

A couple ladies at Weight Watchers today were looking at my progress pic and they told me how proud they are of me (they are all at Lifetime). The also said they were so afraid that I was going to quit. I told them I had quit many many times before but for some reason this time feels different. They said they will be my own personal cheering squad!! Made me so happy!! :)

Well, I am gonna go for now. I LOVE all of you and thank you for the tremendous support you all give me!!!!

Keep Losing,
Kari