Thursday Weigh-In :-(

I debated all morning whether or not to face the scale at Weight Watchers today.  I knew it would be ugly and I was not sure if I wanted to face it or not.  I decided that I HAD to know the damage that was done.  Now mind you, I ate within my points.  But the choices I made were far from healthy ones.  This just goes to show you that calories/points are not all created equal.  I can eat 1500 calories worth of chicken, fruit, and salad and feel GREAT.  But the same 1500 calories of fudge, pie, and crap make me feel like crap and make my body retain crap.  And that is exactly what happened to me:

SO CLOSE TO 100 and I gain 2.2!  WHAT????  I really can't believe I did this!  I am so disappointed in myself.  I know it is just a number and I have to move on and I will.  I just don't understand why I keep sabotaging myself every time I get close to a success.  I think I have convinced myself that I am going to fail eventually so I might as well give up before I fail.  I know that makes no sense.  I could give you a whole list of excuses:

• I just had surgery.
• Haven't been able to exercise.
• On antibiotics.

But the truth is, I made bad choices.  I chose to eat the fudge and pie over the other things I know I should have eaten.  I kept excusing each bite with something, but only I am responsible.

So enough of the pity party!  Time to move on!  After I weighed in, my first thought was to stop at the gas station and buy like a dozen snack cakes and eat them real fast before I got home.  No one would know but me, but than I thought I am the only one that really matters in this instance.  How would binging on sweets make me feel better that I gained weight from binging on sweets?  I came straight home and made myself a nice warm bowl of oatmeal and decided to blog right away!  So here are three positives about all of this:

1. I faced the scale and weighed in! (took a lot of courage)
2. I tracked every bite of fudge, pie, candy, and crap I ate.
3. I am not less of a person because I gained weight this week.

I am proud of myself.  NOW, I am in no way a writer or a poet, BUT after I got home from weigh-in I started jotting down my thoughts (kinda my on therapy).  Here is what I ended up with (please don't judge the silliness).

WORTH IT

Since when did we let numbers determine our mood for the day?

I am worth so much more than the number that I weigh.

I am worth so much more than a clothing size.

I am learning to ignore all of society's lies.

I don't care about being "skinny" or "thin".

What I want is to be healthy in my own skin.

Some days are hard, some days are rough.

No one said this journey wouldn't be tough.

Each day I wake up with choices to make.

It's up to me the path I choose to take.

God created me and loves me right where I am.

He is the director of my life and my plan.

With HIS strength I am learning my true value.

Nothing can stop me and nothing can stop you.

WE ARE WORTH MORE than anything else.

Let that be the reason we love ourselves.

And with that, I am leaving you for the day.  My body and mind are calling for me to take a nap and that is what I am heading to my bed to do!  

Keep Losing (and not only weight, but all the things that weigh us down),

Kari