New International Version (NIV)
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Why?
Why do I give up on myself all the time?
Why do I turn to food to make me feel better when I know it won't?
Why am I so afraid of failing that I won't even try?
The past 5 months have resulted on no weight loss and even a few pounds gained.
Why?
I don't really know. I haven't been committed 100% to my program and I don't know why. I hit the 100 pound lost mark and was ecstatic and now I feel like I have hit a wall.
I am envious of everyone else's success even though I shouldn't be comparing my journey to others.
I feel like a failure. I haven't felt good physically and emotionally.
I'm really trying to put on a brave face and stay positive. But it all seems to have come to a head this week.
I'm frustrated that I can't walk and do the things I want to do. My house is a mess and I feel like no one is helping me at home. Bad food keeps making its way into my house because I am not the one shopping.
I try to avoid it, but last night I gave in. I ate 3 cookies and some peanut butter M&M's. AND IT TASTED OH SO GOOD while I was eating it. About 10 minutes later my tummy hurt and the guilt set in.
I can't understand why I do this. I know better, but the food keeps winning.
I know some of you will "unfollow" me for this and go right ahead. But I promised to always be honest and I will keep that promise. This video and song is really speaking to me right now:
Is there hope? Is there a cure for this food addiction?
Yes - there is hope. It is found in my relationship with Christ. I truly believe that I am being tested and tempted by Satan dangling food in front of me and promising a "high", a cure for my emotional outside the will of God. I am reminded of this verse:
1 Corinthians 10:13
New International Version (NIV)
13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Today I am trusting in that promise!
NO - there is not a cure for my addiction to food. I truly believe that I will struggle the rest of my earthly life. I know I am not alone and I want you to know that you are not alone.
Now, I did not write all of this for you to feel sorry for me, offer me advice on how to eat and move, or for any attention whatsoever. This is therapy for me and hopefully a light for someone else to see that these struggles are REAL and you are NOT alone!
Sorry for the heaviness in today's post. Here is a cute picture to make you smile:
My little Rodrigo wanting a ride in my scooter basket!
That is it for today! Sending you all love and healthy wishes!
Keep Losing,
Kari
It's a hard journey. I was way off track for 2 years and last March it finally clicked that I was wasting time and I needed to get healthy. ..I'm not getting any younger. So I need to do it now. I think seeing my other family members struggling with their health scared me. I don't want to go through a stroke. I want to live long and be healthy. I want to enjoy life and the only for me to do it is to get the weights so. I hope some you get yours aha moment and it clicks again for you. I learned to that this is my JOURNEY and I have to except that the people in my house my not be on that journey with me, so I will just step over them and deal with them when my journey is completed...I look at, picking up after them as my exercise and I'm not going to let myself feel down because they don't care. Lol well I rambled enough. I hope you feel better soon...weightwatchersandy
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