7 years ago today, my life changed forever. I sat in a hospital room as my husband took his last breaths here on earth. He was 29 years old. I cannot describe to you the emotions that happened that day. I was angry, sad, happy, and yes even a little relieved. He had been in the hospital for almost two months and the last few days were really rough. At 1:00 in the afternoon I signed all the papers for hospice care and by 10:00 that night he was gone.
Jesse had been diagnosed with end stage renal failure in 2000. I was pregnant with our son at the time. It was a complete shock to our family as we had no warning. He struggled with dialysis and all the medications, but slowly the disease took over. His liver started to fail and he was miserable. He fought for 6 years.
Why did this happen to us? I will never know the answer to that question. I have assurance that Jesse was a born again believer and that I will see him again someday. Losing a spouse is hard, telling your six year old son that his daddy is dead is hard. Losing your best friend that you had known since high school and had been married to for 9 years is hard.
I sometimes get asked if I would change things if I could. Part of me thinks is would, but most of me says no. Now I know that may sound awful to say or think, but all of my experiences have made me into the person I am today. Would I be this strong if I didn't go through this? Would I have my second baby boy? For those of you who don't know my story, I met a wonderful man about a year after my husband's death and we got married. He had a 6 year old son who lives with us full time and he has become such a huge part of my family. I love him as much as if I had given birth to him myself. I have been married almost 6 years now.
I am telling you that God has a plan for our lives. He allows things to happen to us to shape us and the people around us. We may not understand or agree, we may be angry, sad, or hurt. But all will be reveled one day of the bigger plan for our lives. We learn from our hard times and our good times. I still miss Jesse and I always will, but I rest assured that he is celebrating with Jesus today and he is much happier than if he were still battling this disease here on earth.
Life can be hard and unfair at times, but God created us to withstand it. He will never give us more than we can handle. Even when it feels like it is too much, He is there to help carry the load.
Hard to believe 7 years has passed since that night. I hope Jesse is proud of the life I am living today and is thrilled to see his son growing into an awesome young man.
I hope you all have a great day. Remember how much God loves you and He is always there for you.
Keep Losing,
Kari
Kari you are just an amazing person. I can't believe its been 7 years. Much love to you and Robbie.
ReplyDelete