Hi everyone! This post is going to be a little different today. My 20 year high school reunion is Friday night. I was not planning on attending as I am nowhere near where I would like to be with my weight loss. Today was the last day to register and my hubby said I really should go. As I was scanning through the Facebook event page I saw a post made by my BFF about my first husband. I realized that a lot of people we went to school with did not know about his death and what caused it. So I figured the easiest way to answer all of those questions was to write a post about our story, so here goes:
I met Jesse when I was 16 during my junior year of high school. If you knew him, you knew his big personality. I was instantly drawn to him and we became close friends. He was a big goofball, kind, caring, and cute!!!
Dating became serious after we graduated and we soon became inseparable! He would visit me every night at my dorm at IU. He proposed the summer after my freshman year at my favorite spot in Cascades park. We married a year later on June 14, 1997.
Life was crazy as I finished my teaching degree at IU and we even had to live 2 hours apart for an entire semester. After I finished college, we lived in Poseyville, Indiana while I taught at Owensville Elementary School. Life changed forever when we found out in December that I was pregnant! It was a surprise and unplanned, but we were ecstatic.
A few months into my pregnancy, Jess got a very itchy rash all over his body. After trying to treat it at home, we finally went to urgent care. They gave him some meds, but told him that his blood pressure was a little high and he needed to see a doctor to have it checked out. We made an appointment with a family doctor. He went in for a routine physical with blood and urine work. We left with blood pressure medication. No big deal, right? We got home that evening and Jess was mowing the yard when the phone call came that changed our lives forever. The doctor said there were some concerning results and we needed to get to the hospital ASAP. We were 22 and naive and really did not think much of it. When we got there, we were told that his kidney function was almost nothing. They admitted him and started a bunch of tests. His renal ultrasound showed that both kidneys were only the size of peas. They were not functioning and his body was toxic. We were told he had to start dialysis. We studies our options and decided to do Interperitineal dialysis. He would be able to do this at home and work 4 times per day. He had a surgery to put the port into his abdomen and we began training.This dialysis was not as easy as we thought it would be. There could be no air flow and we had to glove and mask up. Each month we had 40-50 boxes shipped to our tiny 600 square foot house. And we had NO health insurance, so the $200,000 per month bill was overwhelming. Luckily because he was diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease (which was caused by glumerial nephritis, a strep bacteria), he qualified to receive Medicaid. We fell into a routine and then our little bundle of joy arrived early on July 4, 2000.
Praise God he was an easy baby and my family was very close to help out. We fell into a new routine and then things started to get rough. Jesse got very sick and ended up in the hospital a few times. He finally had to have his parathyroid removed, which caused a whole new set of issues. Now we were learning how to do injections at home to keep his red blood count up. He never really recovered his energy level and work became impossible. We finally had to apply for disability. He was approved and we were able to get some additional help with WIC and food stamps.
My family moved back to Ellettsville and I tried to keep going on my own with Jess and Robbie (who had a few hospital visits of his own from being a preemie). It soon become too much to handle and I resigned from my teaching position and we moved to an apartment in Bloomington.
We eventually bought a house in Ellettsville with Jesse's parents and I started teaching again. Jesse's health continued to decline and it got to the point that he could barely walk and wasn't even able to leave the house. I had just been hired on to teach part-time at Edgewood Primary School and I was so worried about him. He was a stubborn man and refused to get medical attention. I remember he finally agreed to go to the hospital and it was the first day of school 2006. An ambulance came to our house and took him to the hospital while I went on to school.
He was admitted and I was hopeful that things would get better. I went to see him every single morning before school and went back after school. We finally thought he was going to get to come home on Labor Day, but no luck. Thank God I had family to help me during this time. We were on a roller coaster. We thought things were better and then we would get bad news. We found out that his liver and his heart were also failing. They just kept doing tests and holding us off. I had a teaching conference in Indianapolis for two days. I decided to stay with my parents that first night for childcare help. My phone rang at 1:00 a.m. after getting home from Indy. It was Jesse's dad. He told me I needed to come to the hospital right away. I rushed there and Jesse was having a lot of issues with his blood pressure dropping. He wanted to write out his living will and plan his final wishes just in case. We were able to get all of that done. The next day, I missed the conference in Indy and stayed at the hospital. The doctor came in and gave us very bad news. There was nothing more they could do for us. He recommended we sign up for hospice care. This was on a Thursday. I called hospice and made an appointment to meet with them on Friday. Thursday was a bad day. Jesse was miserable and kind of in and out of it all day. He drove me crazy moving his hospital bed into a million different positions, lol. He was really struggling to stay lucid, so I knew I had to have Robbie come in and see him one more time while Jesse would remember. So I picked Robbie up early from school and we went to the hospital. I met with hospice and signed all of the papers. We discussed removing all life sustaining care and simply making Jesse comfortable. We discussed where he could be moved to in order to get this care. We were figuring we had a month or so and at least he would be comfortable. That was at around 1:00 on Friday afternoon. By Friday evening, Jesse was in even worse shape. The nurses gave him morphine to help and he was at least comfortable. My family was coming to bring me dinner because I was staying the night at the hospital. I knew things were progressing quickly when his breathing became very labored. I called the nurse and she confirmed that he was approaching the end. I sat with Jesse, holding his hand while he took his last breaths here on earth at 10:00 on October 6, 2006. This was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted to scream at someone to do something, but I knew that was not what he wanted. I sat with him for awhile and called my mom to tell her not to bring me food but to pick me up. I sat with him until the funeral home arrived and then went home with my mom. I had to wake up the next morning and tell my 6 year old that his daddy was dead. How had I became a widow at 29?
Then it was funeral planing time. Honestly, I don't remember much of the planning. But, I do remember all of the people who had been touched by Jesse's life coming out to pay their respects.
Life had to go on. I returned to work after a week off. Robbie and I moved into our own place and i learned how to be a single mom. I had never lived as the only adult ever since I went from high school to college to married at 20.
About a year later, I met my current husband and remarried. Cliff is a wonderful guy and very understanding of mine and Robbie's needs to remember Jesse. We remember him every birthday, anniversary, and holiday. I gained another son with my marriage and I am happy. Robbie is so much like his daddy and I know Jesse would be proud of him and happy that we are happy.
Here is Robbie this past memorial day at Jesse's grave:
I know I left out some things, but this is our story. I still love him and miss him everyday!
I know there are other classmates who have passed on and I am glad we will be remembering them this weekend.
Sending you all love and healthy wishes!
Keep Losing,
Kari
